I Hate Coco

Is it me or is anyone else tired of hearing Conan complain? You got $45 million dollars to quit your job, do you know what I would do if I got $45 million dollars to quit my job? I would weep tears of joy! Also what is with spending millions of dollars on all these gags just to piss off NBC/spend their money? Like the Bugatti mouse and the Kentucky Derby Horse in a chinchilla Snuggy! Not to be some social activist or dirty hippy, but Conan have you heard of that earthquake in Haiti? If you are going to wrap a horse in hundreds of dead animal skins why don’t you give that money to people in a devastated 3rd world country who are dying because they don’t have clean water!

Maybe if your show was funny and people watched it then you wouldn’t be losing it. But the fact is your ratings suck and that is why NBC wants to get rid of you. Granted Jay Leno is even less funny then you are, but why don’t you stop being a ginger baby!

AMENDMENT: I found out Conan didn't really spend all that money on those gags, which is good. However he still complains too much, and is way richer then me...haha

Don't Do Drugs

Coachella!!!!

I am so excited for Coachella! There is nothing like going so far into the Inland Empire (The Valley of the Dirt People) that I am actually past Palm Springs paying hundreds of dollars to see some of my favorite bands like Infected Mushroom, Old Crow Medicine Show and Porcupine Tree (are these real band names?)! You really can’t beat standing under the blistering 909 sun for 3 straight days. Plus the people at the festival are so vibrant and full of life, and by full of life I mean full of acid, alcohol, LSD, mushrooms, meth and weed… trying to relive the 1960’s courtesy/brought to you buy American Express, Heineken and Mitsubishi.

Coachella used to be cool back when it was called Woodstock. Not to mention how many faux-hippies are really into Jay-Z?

Denim Infidelity

I don’t believe in spending $100+ for a pair of cotton pants; aka-jeans. Don’t get me wrong I wear jeans every day and they are by far my favorite article of clothing = TRUE LOVE. I would get married in jeans and get buried in jeans. They are a staple of Americana and the epitome of cool! I mean when you picture James Dean in your head what kind of pants is he wearing? That is right a pair of jeans! However Europeans and the fashion industry have also picked up on this fact and have exploited the pants America was built in. They charge $200, $300 and even $400 for a pair of pants made out cotton (The same material your t-shirts are made out of). This can no longer stand!

I wish I could be a true advocate against spending $100+ for a pair of jeans, but alas I am a fraud. When I was in Europe I saw a pair of Nudie Jeans (Very cowboy looking, not euro-trashy) and it was like a rush of blood to the head! Never in a million years would I buy a pair of jeans like this in LA, but far away hidden in the confines of Europe temptation took hold and I bought them! Plus in Euros they didn’t seem that expensive, however when I did the dollar conversion later that day it was not the case = FAIL.

I was so excited to wear them and show people in LA that I too was “cool and hip”. However expensive jeans aren’t expensive because they are more convenient/comfortable, in fact that is far from the case…

Facts about my expensive jeans:

1. They were stiff as wood! I felt like I was walking around in robot pants. I guess you have to “wear them in so they fit you just right”. However for the money you spend on them why couldn’t they get people from the former Soviet Union to wear them in for you before you buy them?

2. They were made out of raw denim which means they bleed dye (something about being untreated), so my socks and shoes started turning blue. The bottom half of my body felt like Violet Beauregarde when she ate the Three Course Meal Gum even after Willy Wonka gave her clear warning not to.

3. You couldn’t wash them and being that I am insanely clumsy within the first week of having them I spilled something on them. When that first drop of mustard fell on them I felt like I just threw $100+ in the trash.

So here I was stuck with this pair of really expensive bleeding robot pants, polka dotted in mustard and BBQ sauce... while my comfy Levi’s laid on the floor. I felt like I had committed denim infidelity! My long time love, trusted and comfortable pair of jeans were just thrown to the wayside when the 1st pair of sexy European high fashion jeans crossed my path on vacation. How could I make it up to my Levi’s, would they take me back? Well of course they did, they are just a freaking pair of pants! However the lesson was learned…

Beck

I want to start listening to Beck only for the sake of appearing "cool" to others. I mean his music is ok...not a huge fan, but I feel if I was sipping on coffee in the Sunset Junction and some random hipster asked me what I was listening to on my iPod and I said Beck it would be instant credibility. You see Beck is too standard of an answer, but it is so standard that it would be different and thus appear cool.

Just trying to fit in with the youth!

The Hipster Youth

Food for thought…

What are all these disenfranchised hipster youth going to do at the age of 35? I mean even though they have college degrees from small liberal art schools in the Pacific Northwest I don’t think if the only job experience they can put on a resume is "coffee barista" it makes them a strong candidate for a corporate position. Eventually I am guessing they want to retire or have a family or something, and being a clothes folder at American Apparel just doesn’t cut it.

I know the “hipster” response to this question is… “We don’t want your American dream, that is bulls$#t fed to you by corporations so that you consume their goods and services. I am an artist and my life is about self expression”. Don’t get me wrong I can see the validity of their argument, and sometimes even question my own standing within the rat race of life. However that argument doesn’t pay off student loans, credit car bills or car payments. The necessary evil of life is that you have to make money. Plus what happens if in five or ten years people finally wizen up and realize that you can get the same cup of coffee that you pay $5 or $6 at Intelligentsia or LA Mill for $0.75 at 7-11 or that hoody you paid $50 for at Urban Outfitters you can get at Target for $15. That would be a Hipster Financial Crisis, and frankly I don’t know if there is enough bail-out money post Financial Institutions and American Automakers to prop up all these local coffee shops.

Hipsters really need to start thinking about their futures.

We Are Better Friends on Facebook

Everyone has one or two of those friends where you are actually better friends on Facebook then in real life. The type of person who will write on your wall, comment on your pictures and even FB chat... but then when you see them in reality it is kind of ackward and you don't know what to say to eachother. Where does this disconnect come from?

Obviously these people aren't your best friends to begin with or someone you would hang out with, but for some reason if you cross their paths it gets weird. Then again maybe it is only weird for me. I mean if you are telling me all these things on Facebook about your life but wont even say hello to me when I am walking down the street it confuses me. Do you think I am not cool enough to actually interact with when we are not doing it via the world wide web?

Now this problem is especially relevant when it comes to the opposite sex. Sometimes when a girl is all up on my Facebook business I begin to think... is she interested in me? There are no real rules on "Facebook flirting", but if a girl is always chatting and commenting and stuff it makes you think. However then when you see her in real life and she won't give you the time of day it makes you scratch your head.

Life is kinda ridiculous...